Another Way Out of the Dark
by Theresa-Seanchai42
Summary: Draco is confronted with a task that will affect his whole family, but he knows it isn't something he can do... It just isn't possible. When he breaks, he finds an unexpected friend, but can he look past their differences to see what may lie beyond? Draco/Hermione. Warning: M for attempted suicide.
1. The Only Way

[A/N: So, this is a Draco and Hermione fic, and it takes place during their sixth year. I also have a bit of my own writing in it, so this isn't strictly something that could be contained in the canon Harry Potter universe, though it is all set in that world. Anyways, I hope you enjoy.

Warning: This is rated M due to the presence of a suicide attempt and the aftermath thereof.]

Chapter One- The Only Way

The castle was still in the dark night. The new moon shone no light upon the castle or its grounds, and the starlight could not filter through the thick clouds. The night's curfew had long since gone into effect, and the halls stood empty. All but one.

Draco could not quite remember how he ended up where he was, nor was he even entirely sure where he was. He had been at school for just a week- had it already been a week? He knew enough about the patrol schedule to know that his current location was already checked, and it would not be checked again for quite some time. Plenty of time for him to do what he intended to do. It was long past time for his plan to take effect.

A part of him had tried to raise a defense against his plan for months, but that part had been sufficiently silenced prior to this night. He knew what he had to do. As he leaned against the cold stone wall, he felt his legs give way, and he fell so that he was sitting propped up by the wall. He took the knife from his pocket, and placed it against the skin of his right forearm near his elbow. He hesitated momentarily. _This is the only way_, he thought as he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. In a steady motion, he began to cut, moving the blade across his forearm and down toward his wrist. The combination of his warm blood against the cold stone of the floor as his hand fell provided a calm sensation that he felt just enough to reinforce the idea that death was his only escape. A moment after he cut his right arm, he took the knife in his right hand and repeated the cut on his left forearm.

The second cut was what did it. His right hand fell to his lap, and the knife clattered as it fell to the floor. He was distantly aware of the scarlet blood running down his already pale skin and onto the floor. He watched the blood pool in his lap and on the floor before he leaned his head back against the wall. As the seconds passed, his eyes drifted shut, and a sigh escaped his lips.

_This is the only way._

Aislinn Connall turned another corner. She ran her right hand through her hair before she rested it against the wall and thought, _Where did he go?_

She had been following the older Slytherin. Although first years were supposed to have been in bed long ago, she had been sitting in the commonroom when Draco Malfoy left the boys dormitory and exited the Slytherin dungeon. There were times she was glad she possessed the abilities she did, for she was invisible when he passed her. She kept that invisibility intact as she teleported out of the commonroom. She arrived on the other side of the portrait just in time to see the sixth year turn one of the corners. She teleported again toward that corner and arrived at the spot with a shimmering of the air around her. She followed behind him, though she lost him several times with the shifting staircases and such, but she would find him shortly thereafter. Something definitely seemed off with him, particularly judging from the comments she had heard from the other Slytherin's during the first week of classes. It seemed to be a significant change, and not necessarily one for the better. From the impression she had gathered, it seemed to be differently bad compared to his normal self.

She also had to admit that the Slytherins seemed to have a certain detached nature within themselves compared to the other houses. She knew from talking to friends in the other houses that the unity found in them seemed more solid, and not just from the loyalty of the Hufflepuffs. Still, she could not really complain. After all, she did fit well in Slytherin, but she seemed to follow the older path of Slytherin before his friendship with Gryffindor came to an end. The Sorting Hat had seemed to sense that she possessed not only the magical ability that classified her as a witch, but also an even rarer form of magic that connected her more to the natural world. Her presence in the school as one of the few members of the Snake Clan at Hogwarts, though she was also belonged to the Jaguar Clan from her mother's side of the family, had prompted the Sorting Hat to offer her her given House, to which she agreed. She knew several others at Hogwarts who were not just witches and wizards. They, while human in nature, also had been bonded to certain animals, and through that bond gained several abilities, not the least of which was being able to change into that animal. They also received other abilities, unique to each Clan. For instance, the Snake Clan could become invisible to the people around her, and they could teleport, even in places with anti-Apparation fields. She found herself having to use that skill frequently tonight.

_Where is he going?_ she thought as she continued following him up another staircase. She was having trouble keeping him in sight, but at the same time, she was also trying to avoid getting too close, which probably didn't help. Still, she usually managed to find him a few moments after she lost him. Even though he could not see her, she knew that if she got too close to him, he could hear her, especially in the eerie silence of the otherwise empty halls. _Hopefully this place gets less creepy as time goes on_, she thought.

They were already almost to the top of the castle when she realized she had lost him again in a series of turns. She tried to see him once she reached the corner in front if her, but she did not find him there. Luckily she had been making a mental map during her past week at the school during her daily and nightly wanderings. She knew there were three possible hallways he could have taken from the spot she last saw him. She found him on the third one.

She froze in shock for a moment, seeing him in a puddle of his own blood. She did not know what she had been expecting, but that was not it. In the next moment, she teleported to his side, did her best to lift him enough to get under his right arm, and get her left arm around him. Just as quick as she got to his side, they were both in the hospital wing.

As soon as the room steadied, under his weight she collapsed from a low crouch onto her knees. ″Help!″ she cried, hoping someone was within earshot. ″Help!″


	2. Close Calls

[A/N: So, here is the second chapter. ^_^ I hope you enjoy it. For the next little while, I intend to be able to get a couple chapters up each week. I will let you know if that changes.]

Chapter Two- Close Call

″Someone, help!″ Aislinn called as she tried to ease the then unconscious Draco to the ground.

The first year jumped when her cry garnered a response from none other than the head of her House. ″What is the meaning of this?″ She glanced around her and found the room empty. A moment later, Professor Snape entered the room from the door in front of the two Slytherin's, and his tone immediately changed. ″Draco...,″ he whispered, rushing to the boy. ″What happened, Miss Connall?″ Professor Snape asked. ″No...,″ he whispered a moment later when he saw the self-inflicted wounds on the boy's arms. ″Madam Pomfrey!″ Snape lifted Draco up and into one of the nearby beds.

″I'm not sure, Professor. I saw him leave the commonroom and I followed him. I lost sight of him, and when I caught up I found him like this. Is he going to be okay?″

Professor Snape silently examined the cuts, and immediately following Madam Pomfrey's entrance into the room, said, ″Get Dumbledore.″

The healer turned to leave, but Aislinn stopped her. ″Wait,″ she called. Aislinn shimmered out of the room and found herself at the door to Dumbledore's quarters. She pounded on the door and cried, ″Professor Dumbledore? Professor Dumbledore! There's been an emergency! Prof-″

The door opened to reveal the old professor looking thoroughly as though he had a rude awakening, but he simply said, ″What is the matter, Miss Connall?″

″It's Draco Malfoy, sir. He's hurt,″ she replied, and before he could reply, she grabbed his hand and shimmered back into the hospital wing. She let go of the headmaster's hand as soon as they were steady, and she briefly noted the looks she gained from the three adults in the room. That lasted only a moment before all attention was turned to Draco Malfoy.

Four hours later, Aislinn could see the dawn approaching through the windows of the hospital wing. She had been told to leave, then later guided out of the room by Madam Pomfrey, and after that she shimmered back into the room and simply sat in a corner of the room, invisible to the rooms occupants. She was still not sure what to make of the night's events. She had seen various spells cast, potions given, and other forms of healing conducted, and now the healer and professors seemed to take a moment to just watch Draco for a long moment.

″We have done what we can for the boy,″ Professor Dumbledore said. He slumped down on the bed next to the one occupied by Draco. ″His physical wounds are healed, and his body is mending.″

″And,″ Professor Snape said, ″while he is under the Dreamless Sleep potion, that should give enough time for the other potion to take effect. Hopefully that will allow for an answer to what exactly happened tonight.″

″Yes, hopefully,″ Professor Dumbledore replied. ″We will learn the truth, and the Mr. Malfoy will be safe, Severus.″

Aislinn saw her professor nod, but he did not say anything. Draco appeared to be sleeping peacefully, but Aislinn did not leave until after she saw Professors Dumbledore and Snape leave.

_If they are comfortable enough leaving for now, then he can't be in too terrible a condition_, she thought. She went by his bed, now that he was unattended for a moment, and gently touched his shoulder. _I'll be back soon_, she thought.

She shimmered back to the girls' dormitory in Slytherin dungeon and quickly and quietly dressed. None of her roommates were currently awake, and she did not wish to hasten their waking. Aislinn finished making sure her uniform was on properly and her school bag was packed. She grabbed her bag in one hand and teleported to the hospital wing again. She had only been gone twenty minutes at the most, but Professor Snape was already back at Draco's bedside.

″Miss Connall,″ he greeted, ″I believe you have some explaining to do. Please sit.″ She obligingly sat across Draco's hospital bed from the professor. ″It will be several hours before Draco wakes, and there is no way to tell just yet how much he will be willing to say. Perhaps you could shed some light on last night.″

Aislinn was quiet for a long moment. The man before her no longer seemed like the stern and even cantankerous professor she often saw in double potions with the Gryffindors. He seemed to have some particular attachment to Draco, though she could not place what it was, or why it was there. She began to relate to him the events of the past week, including hearing other students' comments about the change in Draco, to seeing him leave, following him, and finding him in such a state. The professor did not ask about her ability to teleport, though she had a feeling that discussion would be coming later. He seemed to know something about what may have caused Draco to take such drastic measures, but Aislinn gathered that she would not be told the possible motivations that came to the professor's mind.

Aislinn talked with Professor Snape for almost a half hour in total before he said, ″Ordinarily, in this kind of situation, visiting would be limited, but as you most certainly saved his life, and it doesn't seem as though there is any good way for us to limit your ability to go wherever you want in the castle, you have permission to be here when you would like, though you are still expected to attend your classes today, and take care of any schoolwork. Understood?″

″Yes, sir. Thank you, sir,″ Aislinn replied. She was glad she would be able to see Draco. Before the previous night, she did not have any significant attachment to the boy, but she had seen several such close calls, and she did feel better being able to verify that he would be safe.

″Now, you should head to breakfast, and I will see you in class after that,″ Professor Snape added.

Taking that as her cue to leave, Aislinn thanked him one more time before she shimmered to the Great Hall which was just beginning to serve breakfast. She waved to a couple of her friends in the other Houses and then sat down at one end of the Slytherin table. She wished she could sit with her friends, but she also knew that meals in the Great Hall typically involved the Houses sitting together.

She gathered a few things on her plate, and managed to force herself to eat something even though she was not in the mood. Her mind was already focusing on what would take place after double potions. She intended to see what exactly Professor Snape was hiding with regard to Draco, and she had a feeling if she followed the professor, she would soon get the answers she sought.


	3. Eavesdropping on the Professors

[A/N: Hi, everyone. I am so glad to see that this story is getting views, and even a favorite (Thank you, mcollis3!) This chapter is a bit longer than the previous two, but it is probably closer to the length I am going to try to hit in these chapters.

As a disclaimer, Harry Potter and all related people and places belong to JK Rowling, Aislinn Connall and other related characters are mine.

As always, I hope you enjoy! ^_^]

Chapter Three- Eavesdropping on the Professors

Double potions with the Gryffindors passed fairly uneventfully, as far as Aislinn was concerned, and because of that, the class seemed to drag on far longer Aislinn would have preferred. Professor Snape did not mention anything to the class about what had happened to Draco, but then Aislinn was not too surprised. All indications were that the situation was to be kept quiet for the time being. Particularly for the younger years.

That did stop her from worrying about for the entire class period. She managed to complete the assignment, but it was far from her best work. She was doubtful whether it even really completed the assignment. The other students also noticed that Professor Snape was not his usual self. He was notably subdued, and though he commented on the problems he found in the other students, his remarks were less harsh than normal. When he passed by her table, he simply gave her a look and did not say anything. As soon as Professor Snape dismissed the class, Aislinn collected her things and left the dungeon. Directly after she exited the room and was blocked from view by the door, she turned herself invisible.

She waited for a few minutes as her other classmates filed out of the room. As the last student left the dungeon, Professor Snape followed directly behind him. He locked the door and took off down the hallway. He managed to maintain a somewhat restrained pace, given that Aislinn was sure he would have ran if no one else was around to see him. Once they got above ground level, Aislinn realized they were heading to Professor McGonagall's office. Professor Snape knocked when he reached her office, and on receiving permission to enter, he opened the door.

″Ah, Severus,″ Professor McGonagall greeted. ″How are you?″

″Hello, Minerva,″ Professor Snape replied. ″I trust Dumbledore has filled you in on last night's events.″

Aislinn saw Professor McGonagall nod. Professor Snape walked into the office and closed the door, but it did not latch. Aislinn nudged the door enough to be able to hear what was being said, though she kept herself out of sight.

Professor McGonagall replied, ″Albus did inform me about Mr. Malfoy. It sounds as though he should be stable for the time being. It also sounds as though Mr. Malfoy may need help that he is not willing to receive.″ She paused, and in the silence Aislinn leaned closer to the gap in the door. ″Severus, do you have any idea what may have provoked the boy to such a course of action?″

″I may,″ Professor Snape replied. ″As you know, his father was arrested following the events... ″

Aislinn heard footsteps approaching from down the hall. She turned toward the sound, and as she did her mind left the conversation on the other side of the door. She saw the Gryffindor robes turning the corner before she saw who it was. She noticed Hermione Granger beneath the robes a moment later. The Gryffindor had her focus trained on the notes she was reading as she walked, though she stopped outside the door when Professor Snape's voice rose ever so slightly.

″... This task was designed with the express intention of killing the boy in the process, and I have given my word that I will do what I can to prevent it.″

Hermine stood next to Aislinn, though unwittingly, and it appeared that the sixth year could not decide if she should announce herself or simply come back at a later time. She began to take a step back the way she came when Professor McGonagall spoke.

″You mean, Severus, that you-″'

″Yes. Narcissa asked me to swear to an Unbreakable Vow. I did, and I intend to honor it, though I and doing everything I can to ensure it does not come to that. Dumbledore and I have discussed several plans for what may happen later in the year, but I was unaware of Draco's... mental state until last night.″

″For what it's worth, I think all of us were,″ Professor McGonagall replied.

Aislinn could hear movement from within the office. It sounded as though Professor McGonagall had closed a book and then rose to her feet. The footsteps sounded like pacing. Aislinn glanced at Hermione who was still in that same position of being in the process of stepping backward to retreat from the conversation, but she had not moved a single inch. Aislinn thought it peculiar that Hermione would show the level of concern she did about Draco, given that Aislinn had heard him call the Gryffindor quite a few very unpleasant names.

After a few moments of no sound leaving the room except for that of pacing footsteps, Professor McGonagall asked, ″So, how does this change the plans you had concocted with Albus?″

″I would think it changes a great deal, but I will not know until I get a chance to talk with both him and Draco. I do think it would be a good idea to have Draco placed under a suicide watch until we can be sure he is no longer at risk for a repeat of last night's attempt.″

At these words, Aislinn heard Hermione gasp, and saw her take a step toward the door. She looked like she wanted to walk into the room, but she appeared to think better of it.

″Yes, he should definitely be kept under surveillance for the time being. How is he now?″ Professor McGonagall agreed.

″I am going to check on him after I leave here, but this morning, he was about as good as could be expected, and we gave him enough medicine to keep him sedated for probably another couple hours, as well as a potion that should help stave off whatever depression he has been experiencing. I do think it is directly related to trying to find a way to get out of the task Voldemort assigned him.″

As Professor Snape was talking, Hermione took another step toward the door, but she hesitated when she reached her hand toward the handle. Deciding to help, Aislinn gave the door enough of a push to open the door partially. The door swung almost a third of the way open, and Aislinn could see both professors turn toward the door. Hermione was still blocked from their sight by the door.

Though she knew the answer, Professor McGonagall inquired, ″Is someone there?″

″Yes, Professor McGonagall, but I promise you I did not open the door, it just swung open,″ Hermione replied.

″It does that sometimes when the latch does not catch,″ Professor McGonagall replied. Professor Snape started to say something but was presumably silenced. ″What can I help you with, Miss Granger?″

″I just came by to ask some questions about the homework assignment, and then I heard that you already had company and I-″

″How long were you there, Miss Granger,″ Professor Snape asked.

″Not too long. A few minutes,″ Hermione replied.

″How much did you hear?″

″Enough, Professor Snape. Enough to know that I want to help.″

There was a long pause on the other side of the door, then Professor McGonagall replied, ″Please come in, Miss Granger.″

Hermione opened the door the rest of the way and walked into the room.

″Please make sure the door is closed,″ Professor McGonagall added.

Hermione did so and then stepped further into the room. Aislinn, rather than wanting to risk being seen shimmering into the room, had squeezed into the room before Hermione had entered. Aislinn then found an empty corner of the room in which to stand while she watched what happened. One of the things that caught Aislinn's eye when she entered the room was just how many books there were. Books on the shelves and in stacks on the desk. There was even a small table that held several stacks of books. Rather than giving the room a disheveled look, the books were all neatly stacked, and as Aislinn looked at the stacks, the stacks, all of varying heights, seemed to center around different topics, one per stack, though most of the stacks seemed to have something to do with Transfiguration from what Aislinn knew of the subject.

Hermione had walked in and sat down in the offered chair, as Professor McGonagall resumed her seat behind the desk. For a moment, no one said anything, and then Professor Snape asked, ″You said you want to help. Exactly how do you intend to do that?″

″Well, I figured if nothing else, I could possibly help with the suicide watch, and anywhere else my assistance may be needed.″

″Why?″ Professor Snape asked.

″Because if what I heard is accurate, then it seems that Draco is trying to find a way to get away from You-Know-Who's influence, and if that is the case, then I want to help.″

″You are aware, Miss Granger,″ Professor Snape replied, ″that your help may be the last thing Draco would want, given how he was raised. Your presence may well make him angry more than anything else.″

″I know, but honestly, I think even if what he feels is anger, that would have to be an improvement on whatever depression he is currently feeling.″

For a long moment, the two professors looked at each other before Professor Snape let out a low sigh. ″Very well, Miss Granger. I will clear it with Madam Pomfrey that you are to be able to visit Draco while he is in the hospital wing. However, I trust that you will tell no one else of this.″

″Of course not, Professor,″ Hermione replied.

″Good,″ Professor Snape replied. ″In that case, Minerva, Miss Granger, I will leave you to whatever it is you were going to do.″

″Thank you. Oh, and Severus, let me know if there is anything I can do.″

Professor Snape gave Professor McGonagall a nod before he left the office, leaving the door open a crack as was customary when meeting with students. Aislinn, rather than trying to follow him out simply shimmered out of the room while Professor McGonagall and Hermione were otherwise distracted discussing some aspect of transfiguration that the first year could not even begin to comprehend. Aislinn found herself in the hospital wing a few moments later.

It was the lunch break for the day, so Aislinn had some time before she had anywhere else to be. She found her way to a section of the wall near Draco's bed, and she sank down to the floor. While sitting there, she pulled her knees into her chest so that there would be no risk of Madam Pomfrey or anyone else tripping over her feet. She sat like for a few minutes before the door opened to receive Professor Snape.

″Madam Pomfrey,″ he greeted. ″Is there any chance we can move Draco into another room? I would prefer if he was not here like this when other students come in with ailments.″

Madam Pomfrey seemed to be caught off guard by the question, but she recovered quickly as she replied, ″We do have the room we use as a quarantine for some of the more contagious conditions. We could move him there, if you would prefer.″

″I would prefer.″

Aislinn heard her professor's tone change, but she could not quite place what changed. Madam Pomfrey seemed to catch the tone as well, for she replied almost immediately.

″Very well, Professor Snape. It will take a few moments to get that arranged.″ She checked that it would be safe to move him, then she began walking toward the far end of the room to where a door stood in the center of the wall. Off to the right of that door was the door leading to Madam Pomfrey's office.

″That is fine,″ Professor Snape reassured the healer. ″Also, Aislinn Connall and Hermione Granger have my permission to see him whenever they come.″

At this, Madam Pomfrey raised an eyebrow, but she had apparently learned better than to question the potions master. Instead, she inquired, ″What about his other housemates?″

Professor Snape paused for a moment before replying, ″I do not know yet.″ He glanced at Draco, and then added, ″For the time being, no.″

Professor Snape began to get Draco set to move. Aislinn watched for a moment before she stood up and released her hold on the invisibility she had been using. ″Is there anything I can do to help?″ she asked.

Madam Pomfrey jumped at the unexpected question, but Professor Snape simply said, ″Yes. You can hold this.″

Professor Snape held a bottle of potion with a tube that ran from it into Draco's arm. Aislinn stepped forward and took the bottle. She held it up, and looked at the bluish liquid contained inside, then waited while Professor Snape conjured a stretcher beneath Draco. Madam Pomfrey continued making her way ahead of them to verify the preparations on the new room. Professor Snape and Aislinn followed as he maneuvered the stretcher as it floated before them. Once the stretcher was lowered onto the new bed, Professor Snape vanished the stretcher and then took the bottle of potion from Aislinn and hung it on a stand beside the bed.

Aislinn then stepped back against the wall. There were four beds in the room, though it looked as though more could fit if needed. It also looked as though it did not get used much, but it had the look of a room that was consistently maintained, even though students had only been at the school for the past nine days. Aislinn watched the two adults checking that Draco was doing okay. She thought she saw Draco beginning to stir. His arm slipped out from under the covers, and she saw the bandages wrapped around his forearm. A moment later he looked to be asleep again, and Professor Snape replaced Draco's hand under the covers.

After a few moments, the healer left upon hearing the door to the main part of the hospital wing, and Professor Snape sat down in one of the two chairs he conjured next to Draco's bed.

″Please sit, Miss Connall,″ Professor Snape said, gesturing to the second chair with his right hand. He did not take his eyes off Draco while she sat down next to him. ″It seems that there is not much for me to fill you in on, assuming I am correct that you heard my conversation with Professor McGonagall?″ Aislinn did not say anything, so Professor Snape added, ″I thought so. I am going to ask that you refrain from doing so in the future and to trust that you will learn what you need to know when you need to know it.″

″Of course, Professor,″ Aislinn replied. She could feel her cheeks burning. She was usually more careful about how she did her spying. ″How did you know I was there?″

″I may not have latched Professor McGonagall's door, but there is no reason it should have spontaneously opened like that.″

″I suppose,″ Aislinn replied. Looking at Draco, she asked, ″Shouldn't he have woken by now? You said earlier it would be a few hours.″

″We have decided that we should keep him under a bit longer to give this,″ he gestured to the bottle Aislinn had been holding, ″some extra time to get into his system. It should give us some time to figure out how to help him.″

Aislinn was not quite sure what to say, so she did not say anything, and Professor Snape seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. They sat in silence for a few moments before Professor Snape again spoke.

″The afternoon class will be starting soon. You have permission to visit here anytime you are free, but as I said to you earlier, I cannot at this time excuse you from your classes,″ Professor Snape said. He rose and began to leave the room.

″Professor, do you think he will be okay?″

″I do. I will make sure of that,″ Professor Snape said before he left the room.

Aislinn waited for a few moments, noting how it almost looked as though the boy in the bed could have been her brother if it weren't for the drastic differences in their upbringing. Still it reminded her of her younger brother who could just as easily been in the same position. She shook her head trying to clear the thought and stood up. She grabbed her bag from it's spot by the wall and slung it over her shoulder. She shimmered down to the Slytherin dungeon, swapped her potions materials for her History of Magic book, and then shimmered up to the classroom. She made it there before anyone else and got her parchment and color-changing ink out, as well as a couple quills. She sighed, knowing this class, though usually long, would drag on far longer this day.


	4. One More Breath

[A/N: So, I have been looking forward this chapter. Also, I have a review!

LadiePhoenix007: Thank you so much for your review! It very much seemed to me like something Hermione would do. The question seems to remain what will Harry and Ron do, but that will have to wait for a future chapter.

As a disclaimer, Harry Potter and all related people and places belong to JK Rowling, Aislinn Connall and other related characters are mine.

As always, I hope you enjoy! ^_^]

Chapter Four- One More Breath

_What- Where am I? _Draco thought as he began to wake. _Am I still alive?_ He paused for a few moments as he drew in a slow, deep breath. _I think so. _He paused again. In the silence of his mind, one word arose: _Why?_

One breath followed another. One more breath.

He felt the remnants of the Dreamless Sleep potion he had been under. He fought to keep himself alert even though he wanted to fall back into the abyss. Draco did not trust himself to move much, nor did he really want to. He tried to lift his head slightly, but he immediately gave up on that when he felt his head start to pound.

He knew the causes of that particular headache.

He opened his eyes and found himself staring at the ceiling. He knew he was in Hogwarts, but he did not quite recognize the room. His eyes fluttered closed, but he forced them to open again. He shifted his gaze to the right and saw the blue bottle hanging above him. Part of him would have sighed if he had the energy, but instead his eyes fluttered closed again.

He drew in a slow breath, exhaled and drew in another.

He opened his eyes again. His mind felt clouded. This time he tried to look around. He glanced to his left, careful not to move his head, and as he brought his eyesight toward the right, he saw that he was in a room that had three other beds, one to his left and two on the other side of the room. He remembered the hospital wing being bigger. He sight came to a stop on his right and stared for a moment at what he saw.

_What is the mudblood doing here? _He thought. He tried to ask as much, but he felt his eyes drooping shut again.

Everything went dark.

Draco heard voices that brought him out of his sleep. He felt someone pull the sheet back from where it sat at his shoulder. He kept his eyes closed. He could feel the potion trying to make him care, but regardless of whatever anyone else thought, the potion could not replace his desire to care about things. Even with the potion, he just did not care enough to try to open his eyes. The headache was still there, waiting just of his eyelids.

″See?″ he heard someone say.

_Is that Pansy? _He thought. _It is. What is she doing here?_

″But why would he do that to himself?″ Crabbe said.

Pansy replied, ″You've heard the same stuff I have. Voldemort has given him something to do, and apparently he wanted out.″

″So, what does that mean?″ Goyle asked.

Draco heard Pansy sigh before replying, ″That would seem to make him a bloodtraitor, though I suppose he isn't completely lost yet.″ Draco thought he could feel her eyes boring into him, but he did not care to check. ″He's probably going to be asleep for a while. It's no use waiting here.″

Draco heard their footsteps walking away, and then he heard the door close.

_A blood traitor_? The words echoed in his mind. _I'm not- I- I just- Why did they put me on this stuff?_

He had grown familiar with the effects of the potion he was currently on since his parents had been forcing him to take it the whole summer, since the first time he had tried to take his own life. It had taken a little over a week for it to wear off, but then, of course, the school had to put him back on it.

Over the past while- he wasn't even sure how long it had been- he had grown accustomed to the lack of caring, the lack of motivation, the lack of feeling. This potion, though, made it harder to separate himself from those feelings, both the bad ones that made him feel worse, and the good ones that got in the way of what he knew he had to do. He could not gain quite enough distance to be able to do anything effective. And yet, the potion for whatever the potion was supposed to do, it did not remove the bad thoughts and feelings. That was the worst part. He wanted to just find an end to all of this, and he knew that there was only one way, but he was trapped in the spiraling thoughts.

He tried to rip the tube from his arm, but as soon as he moved, Madam Pomfrey was at his bedside, and before he knew what happened, he found himself drifting once more into darkness.

The darkness faded, and when Draco's eyes opened, his sight fell on Hermione.

_The mudblood is back... Why would she be here?_

He took a breath as he waited for his mind to clear a bit, then he took one more breath before he asked, ″What are you doing here, Granger?″ He had intended the question to carry more of the disdain he felt toward her, but he could not ignore the listlessness he heard in his own voice.

Hermione jumped a tad at the question. She had had her nose buried in a book. _No doubt probably some Muggle book_.

″Malfoy, you're awake? How are you feeling?″ Hermione asked as she closed book.

″Why should you care?″ he asked.

″Because you don't seem like your usual self, and that gives me hope for the kind of man you may become. I noticed something last week in Potions and again Defense Against the Dark Arts. You seemed...″ Her voice trailed off as though she could not choose the right way to finish the sentence, so she continued, ″And then when I heard what happened, I-″

″How did you hear about that?″ Draco asked. _Why can't I go back to not caring?_

″I overheard Professor Snape talking about it with Professor McGonagall.″ Draco said nothing, so Hermione continued, ″I want to help you.″

″Why?″ Draco asked. ″Why would you want to help me?″ _Why would you when my so-called friends don't even want to help me? _he thought.

Hermione scooted her chair a little closer to the bed, and leaned toward him, looking him in the eye. ″Because I don't think you are as bad as you or anyone else might think.″

Without even thinking about the words he was saying, they were so instinctual, he asked, ″And why should it matter what you think, mudblood?″ Even to himself, his voice sounded thick, like the words did not belong there. He was not surprised she heard it.

He could not figure out why it looked like she was trying to hide a smile at that. ″I've heard you say that word many times, Draco Malfoy, but you have never seemed to doubt it. This time it sounds like you do.″

_Why does she think I'm so bloody changed?_

Hermione added, almost in answer to his thought, ″As I said, you seem different.″

_What am I supposed to say to that?_ Draco pondered.

For a long moment, silence filled the room.

″What time is it?″ Draco asked, though what he really meant was _How long has it been?_

″It's about one, a little after. Monday night going into Tuesday.″

_It's been a day_, he thought. _That would explain why I'm feeling this way._

He remembered what he felt like the first time he had been in this position, but his mother found him before he was too far gone. If she was scared then, he almost didn't want to know her reaction to learning how close he came last night. He could feel just how week he was from the recent blood loss. _Was the first time only two months ago? _His mother had made sure he ended up under the effects of the same potion he currently had in him, and things only got worse once his father arrived back home. A month in Azkaban, and then his father had found a way to convince the right people that he was innocent and he should be let out.

Draco shook his head slightly in a partially successful attempt to clear his mind of his father's homecoming. ″If it is that late, why are you here? Curfew is in effect. I wouldn't think you would have it in you to break the rules, and certainly not for me. Shouldn't you be in bed. Or...″ As soon as he said that, a thought came to him about her presence there. ″Why do I get the feeling I am under a suicide watch?″ Hermione said nothing, but he could tell from the look on her face that he was right. ″And somehow you ended up on it.″

″Yes, you are, and yes I did,″ she replied. She was silently thankful for the patience and she had received from dealing with her own friends for the past five years. She was calling on every ounce of that patience to not rush the conversation before he was ready. _Clearly he isn't quite able to break through his conditioning, as he has quite a few barriers in place between myself and him. Still he wants to get rid of the misconceptions he has been taught. I know it._ ″You have quite a few people who don't want to see anything bad happen to you.″

″If that were true, you all would have let do what I needed to do.″

″Why do you need to do that?″ Hermione asked, not quite willing to give voice to his actions.

″Kill myself?″ Draco asked, not burdened with the same sensibilities as the Muggle-born witch. ″It is the only way to protect everyone else. I can't get out of this any other way.″

″Get out of what? How is you killing yourself going to protect anyone else?″

Draco could tell that her questions were partly because she could not stand not knowing his motivations, and partly she was asking because she actually seemed to care about him. _At least that makes one of us who cares_.

″Because,″ he hesitated. _What do I have to lose?_ ″I am supposed to kill Dumbledore.″ He tried to ignore her shocked gasp. ″I can't do this, and I know that if I fail, I'll be lucky if death is the only consequence. Not to mention that any kind of attempt, successful or not, would mar my family's name, and I cannot do that to them.″

″I think your father's actions have already done that. He ended up in Azkaban after the fight at the Ministry. He won't be out for a while.″

″He's been out for about a month and a half,″ Draco replied.

″What?″ Hermione blurted out. She forgot about trying to hide any major reactions. _First he says he is supposed to kill Professor Dumbledore, and now his father is out of Azkaban... Voldemort has his right hand man back, and yet he is still punishing Draco for his father's mistake? _″Why wasn't that in the _Prophet_?″

″Money and a convincing lie can achieve any result, even getting out of Azkaban without raising any major questions. That kind of press would not help him or the Ministry.″ Draco shook his head slightly before adding, ″He is out, and chances are he will be here soon enough once the teachers inform my parents.″

″What was that for?″ Hermione asked.

″What?″

″There was a look you just made- Something in your eyes. You're afraid, aren't you? Afraid of your father,″ she replied. Draco wanted to believe she was laughing at him for it because that might make it easier to hate her, but as he looked at her, he saw she was as serious as he was

Draco said nothing. He couldn't say anything, and he couldn't fight back the thoughts that came to his mind. He rubbed his jaw, trying to remove the phantom pain from the last time he saw his father. It was the morning of his return to Hogwarts before he had left the house. His father rarely accompanied him to the train station.

It had always been tough around his father, but Draco had adapted quickly. He had learned to recognize his father's moos. Since his father's return from Azkaban, and learning of Draco's task from Voldemort, the slightest movement out of line on Draco's part would set his father off.

After a long, uncomfortable moment, Hermione believing she was right in her guess, but wishing to move to a slightly different subject, asked, ″How are you doing?″

″Wishing I was dead. I thought you knew that.″ Again his voice sounded off to him. The twinge he felt in his chest at those words made him almost wish they were not true.

″I did, but you are not, and it seems like at least part of you, however small wants to find a different way out of your current situation. That small part of you knows that there is another way.″

″What other way?″ he asked, unable to keep his voice from rising. ″I will be dead by the end of this year whether it is by someone else's hand, or my own. Those are my only two choices, and I don't need any help from a mudblood like you to know that. I've never been a bloodtraitor, and I have no intention of becoming one now.″

Hermione saw his anger turning to doubt turning to sadness before her eyes. She knew from the blank gaze that he was caught up in his own thoughts. She opened her book and stared at the pages. She began to read, but every so often she would glance at the blond boy in the hospital bed who looked far younger than she had ever seen him. He laid down and turned his back to her.

_There is another way, Draco_, she thought. _There is._

As his breathing steadied, she turned her attention back to her book and waited for Professor Snape to relieve her from the watch.


End file.
